Appendicits (2001 replay)

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Twelve years ago I got hit with major appendicitis and had to have it removed.  After it was over, I decided to "sue" the weasly thing, and got my good friend Hoot-N-Owl to represent me.  In going through stuff I found a copy of the complaint and here it is. I've edited it to disguise somewhat the real names of  a bunch of individuals who chipped in to help.  Those that recognize yourselves, thank you again!

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V I R G I N I A:

IN THE MILL MOUNTAIN ZOO FOR THE CITY OF ROANOKE

ROSS C. HART
V.
HIS (former) APPENDIX

BILL OF COMPLAINT

TO THE HONORABLE KANGAROOS OF SAID ZOO:

COMES NOW Ross C. Hart, by Hoot N. Owl, counsel, and represents as follows:

1) On, about, or within nine months of MMDDYY, Ross C. Hart and his appendix were joined together, and remained together in apparently harmonious relationship for over 50 years.
2) During the early years of the relationship Ross C. Hart did the usual thing for his age: attended school, went to the principals' office, annoyed his parents, and so forth. The appendix, as a vestigial organ of undetermined value did nothing to interfere with those functions.
3) During Ross' second decade, as he discovered the fairer half of the species and made crude attempts to impress them, the appendix continued to stand by.
4) The appendix similarly kept to itself during the next three decades not even getting involved at the time Ross' right kidney, in an inexcusable fit of rage, stoned Ross.
5) At no time during this relationship did Ross abuse, coerce, hinder, constrain or interfere with the appendix in any way; in fact Ross went to great effort to ensure that it was well fed and enjoyed various beverages supplied in appropriate (by Ross’ standards) moderation.
6) The foregoing relationship ended abruptly in the City of Salem, Virginia, on the morning of April 18, 2001, when the aforesaid appendix, with malice aforethought, intentionally began interfering with the normal functions of the remaining organs of Ross C. Hart. More specifically, the appendix:
a) Began causing pain around 4:00 AM, but disguised the pain as a pulled muscle
b) Increased the amount of pain such that at 6:30 AM Ross C. Hart was forced to awaken his sleeping wife (the pain of awakening her then being less severe than the pain then being caused by the appendix)
7) The aforesaid wife having excellent medical skills honed as an Emergency Medical Technician, began an examination of Ross C. Hart, which examination, as loving and gentle as it could be, caused increased pain.
8) Said wife then called Dr. K, Ross' primary care physician (being formerly known as "Dr. Quinn") who immediately scheduled an office visit for later that same morning.
9) During said office visit, Medicine Woman performed various tests, some causing additional pain, and announced that a blood test had an extremely high white cell count of 17000, and (realizing Ross hadn't cracked a single joke in over 45 minutes) stated that Ross "had all the 'good' signs of appendicitis" ('good' later changed to 'classic' as there are no 'good' signs of appendicitis)
10) Ross was immediately dispatched to the emergency room, and Dr. K called ahead so that they would be expecting him. Unfortunately, Dr. K called Roanoke Memorial, and his wife thought the doctor had said Lewis Gale.
11) Ross and his wife then arrived at the Lewis Gale ER which was not expecting them, and they looked up with blank stares when the supposed call was referred to.
12) Nevertheless, upon being given a summary of the office visit, the Lewis Gale ER accepted Ross as a patient, made him put on the too small uniform patients are required to endure, and which have too much air hitting the posterior. Ross was then placed in a cold room to wait. And Wait.
13) A surgeon was contacted and a Dr. Al appeared and described himself to be the 'quack on call'.
14) At some time during this, Trigon Blue Cross BS (ever notice the last two initials of Blue Cross is “BS”?) was contacted and did confirm appropriate insurance coverage.
15) Dr. Al and the nice, kind, anesthesiologist (with those drugs, the name is forgotten!) discussed the various ways Ross could die during the "routine" operation, and then obtained his consent for the operation.
16) The next thing Ross remembers is awakening several hours later without the pain experienced earlier in the day, but with other pains and some interesting scars on his belly (interesting only if you're a Steven King fan)
17) Dr. Al later advised that the surgery was laproscopic, in which neat little tubes are inserted through several incisions in the belly, air is pumped into the wall, and the tubes moved to the appendix. The appendix was found to be gangrenous and really nasty, and was therefore removed immediately. Upon closing the various incisions, an incidental repair was made to a hernia in the area of the 'belly button'.
18) During the night after the operation nurses kept entering the room Ross was given to give medicine to help him sleep, to control his pain, and to take temperature and blood pressure every half hour. Therefore Ross did not sleep well that night.
19) At breakfast time Ross was greeted with bullion and a popsicle (isn't ice cream for tonsils?) but fortunately the meals got better as the day progressed.
20) Ross was then discharged from the hospital around noon, April 20, 2001, and after a short rest at home with some abdominal discomfort (similar to doing about 1000 sit-ups at one time), low grade fever, and some pretty good drugs, he returned to his office to continue whatever the hell he does.
WHEREFORE, Ross C. Hart, by counsel, moves that this Court--
A. Condemn the appendix t an eternity in the theological place of eternal punishment with all other bad appendices;
B. Thank all those who helped out, visited, or otherwise expressed their concern, to wit:
1 A& J and then DF for keeping the kids the first day, PQ for picking them up and bringing them to the hospital and A and H for taking time from their spring break to watch them the second day.
2 Donna Jarrells, Ross' legal assistant, who rose to the occasion and made various arrangements to deal with Ross' schedule and generally ran the office more efficiently than if Ross were there.
3 The Rev. T.V. who, being informed of the situation (and having some other folks from the parish in the hospital) gave up a vacation day and showed up at the hospital in his uniform. Also MO, St. Paul's Parish missioner, who visited and called.
4 PQ, again, for jumping in to a rezoning hearing not having done one before, and obtaining a unanimous vote in favor of the rezoning, then visiting to describe how it went.
5 JM for covering those matters on Friday that could not be put off, and in particular for helping Donna deal with the payees.
6 Dr. Al for doing a wonderful job, having an excellent bedside manner and sense of humor, and being able to put the patient at ease and explain things so even a lawyer could understand them.
7 The nurses and staff at Lewis Gale Hospital for their excellent care.
8 The Business Office at Lewis Gale Hospital AND Lewis Gale Clinic for NOT messing up the bill.
9 The kids for behaving incredibly well with those who watched over them during the ordeal.
C. Take such other action as appropriate.

Ross C. Hart
By: Hoot N. Owl, Esquire pq (Mill Mtn Bar # 3)
Third Cage on the Left
Mill Mountain Zoo
Roanoke, Virginia

How to Help the Post Ofice

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Just received more junk mail.  Actually I get a LOT of junk mail given my estate/guardianship work and the fact that I have a lot of decedents'/wards' mail forwarded to my office. Usually we just toss it.

However one caught my eye, even more so given that they had a 'postage paid business reply thing' enclosed. 

As I understand it, the post office charges more for Business Reply mail than usual because of their extra handling.

And the Post Office has serious financial problems, due in part to the stupid Congress. (Aren't "Stupid" and "Congress" are redundant terms?) and due in part to a lot more email instead of snail mail. 

So to help the Post Office we need to send more snail mail.

And business reply envelopes are snail mail.

So I helped the Post Office revenues.  And even put a note on the envelope thanking the sender for helping the Post Office in it's fiscal difficulties.

If we all did this . . . .
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More Borg fun

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Ya gotta be a StarTrek - The Next Generation fan to understand this one . . .


I'm a member of a group of lawyers who use a "Listserv" which is an email blast to others who choose to subscribe. I am - probably - overactive on the listserv.

I used the term "Borg" to refer to WellsFargo and Bank of America (who have an unfortunately large presence in Virginia).

It seems to have caught on. 

It started with my question:

I've got to go get info from one of the Borg and am anticipating the usual crap. 

and I continued with a suggestion of how I might annoy and try to get the attention of the Borg and invited comments. [I'm not including the suggestion here as it involves lawyer-client privilege]

One of the founders of our group said:

Since we’re using ST TNG vernacular, I say “make it so!"   to my suggestion. 

Another member chimed in with 

I don't know Ross, you might need to start with President and CEO of Borg Bank, N.A. and then require that the Bank provide you with appropriate organizational documents verifying which Borg officers in Virginia have authority to speak on the collective's behalf.  Until they provide you with that information, you can tell them that only the President and CEO can talk to you.

which I think is a good tactic . . .

Another member -- responding to the seriousness of the problem -- mentioned a fairly high up contact or two she has at WellsBorgo (did I just coin another phrase?  is that like "Borg of America"? ) and suggested a meeting with the state chapter to discuss communication problems with that collective. 

There were a number of comments very supportive of a meeting and one is in the process of being organized. We've even picked a spokesperson/moderator for the meeting; and one of the comments about picking an  emissary was: 

I think [Irving] would be a great representative for the Federation, if he's willing . 

Irving is willing.  With that news, our group's leader said:

Thanks Irving -- I guess that makes you the leader of the landing party into the BORG hive.  The rest of us will back you up with our phasers set to stun.   Unfortunately, if you remember the actual landing parties that entered a BORG hive ship, they were completely ignored by the Collective as irrelevant unless and until a member of the landing party started vaporizing the BORG drones.  I am afraid that we will be treated the same – ignored unless and until we start doing some real damage to the bank.

I still think, as I thought years ago, that the only way to get the attention of the BORG is to organize and publicize a formal boycott of the bank, where every member of [our group] advised every one of our respective clients to avoid using the BORG bank and we put out a press release to this effect and actually try to get some real publicity (such as TV and radio coverage around the state) of how bad the BORG is.  Only then, I think, is there any chance that they will actually care about what we say.

My response to the group's leader:

 

You're a real Trekkie!  Perfect analogy and I agree totally.     

(doing Picard's finger thing . . . ) "Engage!"

Of course, for years I've been discouraging my clients and friends and readers from opening or keeping an account at WellsBorgo [and Borg of America]. And withdrawn every penny I could.

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Big Bank Borg

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Just got a list-serv email from a colleague who had a headache with Wells Fargo.  (It, along with Bank of America is among the worst financial institutions to deal with) And "Headache" and "Wells Fargo" are kinda redundant terms.

In my colleague's words:

A sister qualified to administer her brother’s estate.  Then she went to Wells Fargo, his bank, and was told that she would need a court order to access his funds.  She successfully opened an estate account at Wells and attempted to deposit several checks, including his final paycheck.  Wells refused to accept the deposit until she had obtained a court order. 

Inspired by the creativity coming out of Salem, I sought and followed Ross’ suggestion – sue a bank and it will come calling.  I filed a Warrant in Debt and listed the claim as “Failure to permit court-appointed Administrator access to decedent's property, including, but not limited to, bank accounts, safe deposit boxes, credit cards, etc.  See attached Certificate of Qualification and death certificate.”  Lo and behold, I got a call from the legal department at Wells Fargo today.

That post inspired a few comments, one being that with the flies at that bank, honey doesn't work and you gotta use vinegar. I then observed that their Borg Assimilated Mentality chokes getting things done. Star Trek - Next Gen. fans will understand the reference, if you don't, click the link.

But this inspired an idea:   Maybe "Borg"  could be a good code word for 'too big for their britches and incapable of dealing intelligently with . . . (whatever)'  AS IN:  "had to deal with the Borg at WF"   Yeah, you gotta be a (old) trekkie to appreciate it.
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.olleague then posted on a group list-serv that "Creative Salem 

Attaboy for Verizon

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We fuss and moan about the lack of service from big corporations.  Y’all certainly have seen me fuss and complain about banks. (No, they’re not any better).  I’ve always felt that if you complain when things go wrong, when something is done ‘beyond’ what you expect, you should give credit.

I know a lot of people have problems with Verizon.  I haven’t exactly had smooth sailing. But today I had a Verizon experience that was great.

I went into the office today – Sunday – to do some work.  My internet connection was down – DSL through my Fax line.  I checked further and found that there wasn’t a dial tone on the line either. I did a little trouble shooting on this end to make sure nothing in the building caused the problem. After eliminating that, I called and got the computer. 

Verizon’s computer response system has a lot of limitations, but in the instance of ‘no dial tone’ it walked me through the steps (which I had already done, so I responded accordingly) and then scheduled an appointment for Monday “between 8 AM and 7 PM”.  I can live with next day.

But I didn’t have to wait!

About 45 minutes later someone banged on my back door. I looked and saw a Verizon truck in my parking lot.  It was the repair guy (who had been here before) who saw the repair order and my car in the parking lot.

He checked the line inside; went out and checked the pole and found that my line was cut – accidentally – by someone else who went up the pole to fix someone else’s problem.  He repaired the cut and did a few other things to enhance the DSL signal to the office.

The fax and DSL line now works – even better than before. And on a Sunday.

Thank you, Verizon.
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Government stupidity

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Government stupidity. 

Yeah, those two words are redundant.  But here’s a TRUE story.

Many years ago Puffuffnick owned property, went belly up in a spectacular way, both financially and personally. His executor was left trying to clean up the mess.

One of his properties was needed for a local government project, and the local government offered a very good premium price for the property.  Unfortunately Puffuffnick had some IRS problems – they had put a lien on his real estate and that had to be paid off as part of the closing.

Simple:  ask the IRS for a payoff or their agreement to release the subject property on payment of all proceeds, right? 

Nah.  For two months a bunch of lawyers tried to get the IRS to simply acknowledge the request. No luck.

So Puffuffnick’s estate sued, in US District Court:   Estate of Puffuffnick vs IRS.  The suit said, simply, “Judge: we own this property and the IRS has a lien on it.  We’ve sold it and we want to either pay them off or have them agree that they get all the money and will release the lien. Make them answer us”.  

This sets in motion the typical government response:  “Motion to dismiss because you can’t sue the government”.  And they fly a lawyer to Roanoke from DC to appear before the Hon. James Turk to get the thing dismissed.  The hearing went sorta like this:

JUDGE:  Mr. Government, it seems that the Puffuffnick Estate wants to pay money to the IRS.
GOVERNMENT:  Judge, you can’t sue the government.  We want the money, but you can’t sue the government and this case needs to be dismissed.
JUDGE:  Well, why don’t you simply agree to release the lien and they send you the money.
GOVERNMENT:  That has to go through channels.
JUDGE:  They’ve tried that for months and no one’s giving them any answer.  They need to get this deal closed.
GOVERNMENT:  You can’t sue the government.
JUDGE:  Well, isn’t the sale for a fair price?
GOVERNMENT:  Yes it is for a very good price, but you can’t sue the government.
JUDGE:  So if the Government sued and this purchaser offered this money, the government would take the money and agree to it?
GOVERNMENT:  Yes, but you can’t sue the government.
JUDGE: So you can’t sue the government but the government can sue Puffuffnick’s Estate?
GOVERNMENT:  That’s correct, sir.
JUDGE:  Fine.  Take this complaint and go to the US Attorney’s office on the next floor; they’ve got white out and typewriters.  Put IRS as plaintiff where it has Puffuffnick as plaintiff, and Puffuffnick as defendant instead of IRS.  I’ll then enter the order approving the sale, release of the lien and payment of proceeds to the IRS.
GOVERNMENT:   But . . . um . . . sir . . . um . . .
JUDGE:  I suggest you git up there now.
GOVERNMENT:  yes sir.

And so it was done.  And the next day the Roanoke Times headline read:  “Government gets judgment against Puffuffnick Estate”.

You can’t make it up, can you?
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Spam FAIL

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We all get 'em.  The messages from sonovabitch's in Africa (or elsewhere) that they've got a thousand million dollars unclaimed and want our help in getting it out of the country.  Got one today in my spamfilter, purporting to be from Spain.  It's below, between the =$=$ lines;  I'll point out the 'FAIL' part afterwards:

=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$

Dear Friend,
My name is Mr. Aaron Bradley, the financial controller at Caixa Bank (Main Branch) in Madrid, Spain, and I am getting in touch with you regarding a business deal worth €92,000,000.00 Million Euro in my control which will be executed under a legitimate arrangement.
I am contacting you independently and will intimate you more about myself and details of the project if and when I receive your response. Kindly get back to me if you are interested in partnering with me on this project with your mobile number.
Sincerely,
Mr. Aaron Bradley
-----------------------------------------
This message has been scanned for viruses and dangerous content by MailScanner, and is believed to be clean.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
UNIVERSITY OF NAIROBI IS ISO CERTIFIED
The University of Nairobi is committed to providing quality services to all its clients. The University will monitor and review its quality performance from time to time through an effective implementation of the Quality Management System based on ISO 9001:2008 standard.
University of Nairobi Website: http://www.uonbi.ac.ke/
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=

FAIL:  Since when does the Ciaxa Bank in Madrid Spain use email through the University of Nairobi  (Kenya) servers? Too transparent.


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Learning from mistakes

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As part of my elder-law practice, I subscribe to several 'list-serv' groups and learn from experiences of others.  On one recently was a question about whether someone was competent to grant a power of attorney.  It brought back a painful memory, which I related to the list-serv and copy here.  The more that can learn from my experience, the better.  The post:

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Sometimes we learn the hard way. A personal experience.

Years ago in the early days of my career a couple came to see me with their daughter. There was discussion of a power of attorney and the growing disability of the parents to cope with their day to day needs. I 'helped' the daughter talk the parents into granting her agency through a power of attorney.

Six months later I got drafted by the Court (on petition of Social Services) to become guardian for these same parents as the daughter had fairly well cleaned them out. All money was gone, there was an equity line mortgage on their -- previously -- paid for house, that money spent also. She had let a drug dealer 'borrow' their car and he refused to voluntarily give it back. I had to place the people in an Assisted Living Facility and sell the house. (The Court also entered a $65,000.00 judgment against her for defalcation)

The husband -- by now in full blown dementia -- was aware enough that he knew he was going to lose the home he had worked very hard to buy and pay for. He stopped eating. He stopped drinking any fluid. He actually willed himself to die and did. The mother lived on for another few years in Assisted Living.

I never want to repeat that experience or lose sleep that way again.

If it's marginal, then I don't do it.

When I draft a power of attorney, it must be signed in my office and I must meet with both the principal and agent(s). I go over the rules governing POA's and was the first lawyer in my area to give the agents 'rules' to govern their actions under a POA. You can find them here. In my opinion, drafting a power of attorney and NOT giving instructions/rules is malpractice.

Frequently a doctor sees and evaluates individuals for a brief interval, some don't even do a 'mini mental' test. To really evaluate takes a specialized approach - in the Roanoke area we have the Center for Healthy Aging, part of Carilion Clinic. Doctors also do not understand the legal standards and implications of 'competency' unless it's for purpose of consenting to treatment (and even that can be dicey). When I started practice, a doctor's evaluation was a one-sentence letter that said "Irving Puffuffnick has been examined by me and needs a guardian". Now we have a checklist of things the doctor must address in his report.

We are part of the checks-and-balances in the system trying to protect feeble senior citizens.

Trust your gut.---

If you suspect someone's taking advantage of a disabled individual, let Adult Protective Services know; contact (other) family members, call the police, contact a lawyer.

An Attaboy

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Last fall my daughter had a procedure done at Carilion Roanoke Memorial Hospital. It went fine, but that's not what I'm writing about.

While I was there I was impressed by the courtesy and friendliness of every staff member I met.  They truly wanted to make my 'experience' in the hospital (even as a visitor) good.  Even the orderlies (or whatever they're called these days) had a friendly demeanor and bantered nicely with the patients and their families.

I can't recall any time this wasn't the case -- when I was having trouble with various pebbles in my kidneys, or visiting clients, I've found the staff to be helpful and friendly.

It starts from the top.  In my years I've learned that the front line folks reflect the way management and top echelon approach their work and those who work for them.  It seems that the top management of Carilion gets it, and my hat's off to them.
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Could you explain . . . ?

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I heard this story from another Councilman who was there.

 

Around 40 years ago Roanoke City was in an annexation battle with Roanoke County. One day Roanoke City Council decided to appropriate something for pensions.  The City's (then) director of finance told Council "You shouldn't have done this; you have bankrupt the City".  A week later he testified in the annexation trial and as to the City's finances said "Roanoke City is in wonderful financial condition. Revenues are strong and expenditures are under control.  There are not any financial problems".

 

Next meeting a Councilman put on the agenda a "personnel matter" and council went into closed session.  In that session the Councilman reminded the Director of Finance of both statements, and asked "All I want to know is,  Which time were you lying".

 

Probably a good question for today's politicians. 

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Another Wells Fargo story . . .

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As if there weren’t enough reasons to stay away from Wells Fargo Bank, here’s another.

There was a brief article in the Thursday, March 15, 2012, edition of The Roanoke Times about some guy getting sentenced for identity theft. It seems that in 2010, Wachovia Bank (then owned by Wells Fargo; now actually called Wells Fargo) sent someone else’s social security number to the criminal who used it to open a bunch of accounts and charged at least $11,000.00. The Roanoke Times article

Excerpts from the story:

[The Victim] had a terrible time straightening out the credit history and Social Security information, but that is under way,” [the prosecuting attorney] said of the victim during the hearing.

[The Judge] asked [the prosecutor] whether [Wells Fargo] had been approached about the mistake, and whether the bank was willing to “step up to the plate” and help with a resolution to the matter.

“We suggested that but were soundly rebuffed,” [the prosecutor] said.

We all make mistakes;  I certainly have and probably more than my share. But when you make a mistake, you help fix it. If you’re honorable. If you care about people and your customers. If you’re NOT Wells Fargo.
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Citizenship qualifications

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The Christian Science Monitor has an on line Citizenship test which those immigrants who wish to become citizens must pass (58 out of 96 questions). You can find it here:  Citizenship Test

Yeah, I passed with 94 of 96 (over-thought two questions).

This reminded me of when I taught a night course in Government at a local proprietary business school. On the first night I wanted to know the base line of the students, a mix of just-graduated from high school to been in the real world for a while.

The results were abysmal.  (That's worse than horrible). As I recall the highest score was 85% (naming elected folks was the toughest question). The lowest was one correct answer.  Mr. Porterfield (my High School Government teacher at PH) would have been horrified.

Here's that test:

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Your name is optional:                        

FIRST NIGHT QUIZ
US Government    Instructor:  Ross C. Hart, JD
September 14, 1998

The purpose of this quiz is to see how much you know about the government so I can better plan the course materials.  It will not count against you, however those students who are brave enough to put their name on it and who answer all questions perfectly will not have to take the first test.

1. Name the three constitutional branches of the Federal Government.
2. What are the two halves of Congress?  How many members in each half?
3. How many years do members of each half of Congress serve before re-election?  How many terms can they serve?
4. Where in the Constitution is the “Bill of Rights” found?
5. Which amendment protects private property from being taken by the Government without due process?
6. Which amendment protects the right to petition the government?
7. What part of the Federal Government “has the sole power of impeachment”.  What part of the Federal Government can try an impeachment?[NOTE:  this was around the time Clinton got a "Lewinsky" so impeachment was in the news]
8. Are you registered to vote?  If not, why not?
9. What City or County do you live in?  Who is your Congressional Representative?
10. Name all the Virginia members of the U.S. Senate.
11. How many justices are on the highest Court in the United States?  How long is their term of office?
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Wells Fargo Is Stupid (in my opinion)

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I’m guardian for a guy (“Irving”) who is in a nursing home for the rest of his life.  He owns a house purchased for too much money by a agent under a power of attorney that was fired by the Court after which I was appointed. The guy owns a house with a Veterans Administration loan administered by Wells Fargo. I just had ANOTHER frustrating discussion with Wells Fargo which, in my opinion, is corporately too stupid to exist.

The value of the house is $115,000.00;  the loan balance is $135,000.00 (not counting late charges, interest, etc. because I'm not going to waste his money).  I filed a motion to abandon the property and allow it to be foreclosed as it’s upside down, and the motion explains that he’s in a nursing home and his income has to pay for his care, not for property that he’ll never get back.

Wells Fargo got a copy of all the court papers; a while ago I got a call and was assigned a ‘single point of contact’ (which OF CURSE has changed) (pun intended). Today I was called by the ‘new’ point of contact.

First, the ‘contact’ called me his power of attorney;  I’m the GUARDIAN with a court order – that trumps a POA any day of the week, but (in my opinion) Wells Fargo is too stupid to know that.

Then I was told that they were abandoning the ‘deed in lieu’ process because:
“Irving” hadn’t written a hardship letter. All that information is in the Motion to abandon property I filed, but (in my opinion) Wells Fargo is too stupid to know that.

They wanted an income worksheet, but that information for a worksheet is in the Motion to abandon property I filed, but (in my opinion) Wells Fargo is too stupid to know that.

In my opinion, and I told the poor individual this on the phone in my best Rossiferous voice and manner, Wells Fargo will make more money with a foreclosure, and make the Veterans Administration waste taxpayer's dollars on the foreclosure in this day of our Veterans needing all the help available. In my opinion, Wells Fargo is more interested in its own profit than saving the Government money (can anyone say ‘bailout’??).  Of course, they’ve paid for what is probably a wasted appraisal and title examination, so they get those dollars from the taxpayer also.

My frustration boiled over.  I told the representative that she’s only a small cog for a very stupid bank, and asked her to put in the notes, in all caps, that “WELLS FARGO CAN *&$# GO TO HELL”, and hung up.

Any question why I’ve closed over one-half million dollars of accounts with those idiots in the past year?

Any question why I urge my friends and clients (and blog readers) to leave Wells Fargo?
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Wells Fargo Complaint

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I just filed a formal complaint against Wells Fargo Bank National Association with the Comptroller of the Currency.  They’re the folks who regulate (so to speak) the big banks – you can find them at www.helpwithmybank.gov.  I’m administrator of an estate;  the decedent had accounts at multiple banks.  In EVERY case  I went into the bank with:

• Certified Copy of the death certificate
• Certified Copy of the Court papers appointing me as administrator
• My original passport to prove I’m me.
• Photocopies of the above for the Bank to keep.

and in EVERY case the funds were released without any hassle.  Except one.

Only Irving at Wells Fargo was the pain.  I first went in mid-December; he said he had to ‘run it by’ someone or other so – after showing him the originals – I left him with the copies and my card, with instructions to ‘call me when the check’s ready’.

I went back today;  Irving was there and said he needed something or other and that what I left him wasn’t the original.  His intelligence is immediately suspect.  I asked why he didn’t call requesting the information. No answer.

Anyhow, the branch manager gets into the act; she gets the check to close the account for me while Irving calls to ‘reactivate’ the account. The flunky on the other end wanted the estate tax ID number. They don’t need it – the account was in the decedent’s social security number and that’s as it should be.

They refused to deliver the check, payable to ‘estate of . . . ‘ so I filed a complaint. And poor Irving, dufus that he is, has his name on it.

Any wonder why I’ve withdrawn nearly One-Half Million Dollars from that bank in the past 6 months?
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How not to introduce someone

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About 35 years ago I attended my first Roanoke Bar Association Law Day Luncheon. The speaker for this occasion was William B. Spong, Jr. , then Dean of the Marshall-Wythe School of Law at the College of William and Mary, Virginia. Dean Spong had served as US Senator from Virginia for one term and was truly an honest politician. Everyone at the luncheon knew who he was.

Being so well known poses a problem for the person who gets the honor to introduce them without boring the audience.  That honor fell to B. Purnell Eggleston, a senior and distinguished member of the bar. He handled it in what would now be considered politically incorrect.

"Members of the Bar and distinguished guests, our speaker really doesn't need an introduction.  In fact, he recently spoke at a function in Richmond and the lady making the introduction -- a lady from the high society of Richmond matrons -- was gushing at the opportunity.  She said in her genteel Southern Matronly drawl, 'Ladies and gentlemen, our speaker has served in the Virginia House of Delegates, the Virginia Senate, the United States Senate -- why, he's done so many things his Who's Who is Nine inches long!' "
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Drive Collection Agents Nuts

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As a lot of my followers know, I serve as guardian and conservator for several people.  A number of these folks ran up credit card debt before getting disabled and they're now in a nursing home and receive Medicaid long term care.

I'll admit that I'm not in any hurry to pay their credit cards -- they're pretty close to the bottom of the priority list, if not below the line.

Credit card companies don't keep non-paying accounts -- they sell them to third parties who then try to collect them, and then those guys sell them to fourth, fifth, and so on down the line. After 2 or 3 years the account ends up with a 'bottom feeder' who tries everything to collect.  Here's the catch:  when the account is sold, all that the purchaser gets is a name, social security number, address and contact info and -- maybe -- some of the account history.  They don't get the copies of the original account documents or a detailed charge/payment history of the account. 

So the collectors call me wanting to get paid on Irving Puffuffnick's old credit card. Actually they try to talk to Irving himself (and I've pretended to be Irving on more than one occasion -- in a sense I AM Irving by virtue of a court order) and want documentation from me to prove I have authority to act on behalf of Irving.

Of course, before I give them that authority (which is public record if they want to go to the courthouse to look for it - admittedly a long commute for someone in California) I demand proof that they are authorized to discuss the account on behalf of the creditor.

Mexican Standoff? (Wikipedia)
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Decoding Wells Fargo as an acronym

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The office staff has been complaining about the long lines at Wells Fargo, especially after the formal changeover from Wachovia (which took over from First Union (and whose initials were really appropriate), which took over from Dominion Bank, which grew out of First National Exchange Bank . . . )

So Donna, my right arm and assistant, took a deposit over there and the line for a teller was 'nearly out the door'.  While waiting she took the name "Wells Fargo" and broke it down:

"Where  Every  Line's Longer Seemingly Forever And Rage Grows Often"

Not bad, huh?

Think they'll care?  nah.  They're too big for their britches.

Guess it's time for me to close all the estate accounts I have there;  doubt they'll miss a measly $500K in money.
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Corporate America the Correct way

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Talked to a good friend/client today.  He's an officer in a fair sized regional corporation.  Originally he was hired as a manager of one of the company's factories that was losing money.  In, I believe, a year and a half he turned it around.  I asked him about it.

"It wasn't too hard, really.  Yes, there were people that had to go, but mostly I worked with everyone bottom to top to educate them where they fit in and how what they did for the company made a difference.  Once someone knows how the system works, they'll bend over backwards to make it work and suggest ways to streamline and save money."

I'm only a lawyer, but to me it's that simple. I'm proud to have him as a friend and client.
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Political story

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Among my past sins is activity in politics; I say past sins because I'm no longer enamored with politicians and -- while I consider a number of them in both parties friends -- I feel they're more interested in following the party line (regardless of consequences) than doing what is necessary even if unpopular.

But this isn't about my disdain for elected wonks.

Many years ago I was a local Democratic Party chair;  Sen. Charles "Chuck" S. Robb was running for re-election against Ollie North (who was the only person Republicans could have nominated that Chuck could beat).  The Annual Salem Fair was in town, and was crowded with the great unwashed of southwestern Virginia. (and as a side not, I first met Chuck when I went to the State Fair in Richmond when he first ran for statewide office 'back when.  Going to Fairs and such is de-riguer for politicians.)

I got called on to walk with Chuck among the crowd as he shook hands and encouraged their vote for him in November.  As we were walking and talking, I observed the people and wondered how many actually voted. After some more thought I asked, "Chuck, how many of these folks you've been shakin' hands with do you think have had their right to vote restored".

"You know, that's a damn good question".
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Cutsey Phone Scripts

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I'm back to the blog.  Been kinda busy and didn't realize how long it's been.

I just called a nursing home in Salem, part of a large for-profit nursing home chain headquartered in Roanoke. The poor receptionist is required to answer the phone "It's a great day, thank you for calling (nh name) home of . . . " yadda yadda.  It seems to take fifteen seconds and two full breaths to get it all out.  As is my nature, I immediately sympathized with her about the mouthful of nonsense she's got to spew every time the phone rings.

Ignoring the fact that it's raining and cold out, negating the 'great day' thing, the routine is silly. To me it's a turn off.  Most people don't even listen to it, they wait for the spiel to end and then ask whatever they wanted.

In the office I share with another lawyer, Emily - the best receptionist we've ever had - answers simply "Hart and Hart Attorneys; how may I help you?" It starts the call with basic information: what office the caller got, and then sets the tone of wanting to help the caller.
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