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Salem VA has an annual fair for 10 days around the 4th of July
each year. It’s a ‘free gate’ (no charge to get in, just to ride and/or
play games). I haven’t been to it for a few years – those attending
remind me of a ‘people of Walmart’ convention. But the invitation is
open . . .
Years and years ago, as a local committee
chair, I was tasked with walking with one of our US Senators
(re-election season) who first gained fame for his choice of
father-in-law. around the fair. The Senator looked like a Marine in
civilian clothes (which he was) – gleaming white shirt, etc. So as we
were going around he’d walk up to people, greet them, introduce himself,
usual politico stuff as he was looking for votes that November. About
half-way through my Rossiferous-ness came through loud and clear:
“Senator, I’ve got a question; How many of the folks you’ve shaken
hands with do you think have had their rights restored??” The look on
his face was priceless.
For some reason I was never asked to accompany anyone again.
Showing posts with label Characters. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Characters. Show all posts
Saturday, May 30, 2026
Trolling for votes
Saturday, April 18, 2020
Parking Saga
There is an on line forum called Quora https://www.quora.com/ where people ask
questions, answer questions, and tell some pretty good stories in the
process. I've learned a lot there. There was a question ‘Have you
ever blocked someone using your assigned parking space?” I posted the
following.
In the 50’s 60’s and early 70’s, my father had The. Best.
Parking. Space. In Downtown. It was easy to pull in to and get out of. (the
curb was, maybe, an inch and a half high). The space was about a half block
from the office, which for a lawyer having to travel to various court houses
was almost ideal. And there was a HUGE sign “Private Parking Day and Night”
etc.
Unfortunately, if my dad wasn’t in it, some idiot thought
they could use it. The location of the space was also such that he could block
the offender in and not inconvenience other parkers. So he did. Sometimes the offender would appear in the
office and apologize profusely – my dad would move the car and let them out. If
they were demanding or abusive, he’d tell them he left at 5:00 and would move
it then. Once he took a cab home.
Not only did he block them in, he had special peel-and-stick
signs printed – 8.5 x 11 inch signs with legend “YOU ARE PARKED HERE ILLEGALLY”
printed in bright red. And the signs were the old fashioned plain paper bumper
sticker type that would NOT come off easily but instead in 1” pieces.
My dad was so famous for this that neighbors of the parking
lot would warn off any interlopers.
When I was in college I had a 1970 Ford Maverick. I had installed a car alarm -- old fashioned
siren on motor -- that could be heard blocks away (and it saved some electronic
equipment but that’s another story). One day I was downtown, saw he had someone
blocked, and went into the office to ask if he wanted to switch cars and I set
the alarm. Instant evil grin on his face, and I went to switch our cars. While
I was doing this the neighbors called the office to see what was going on – my dad
just said ‘watch and enjoy’.
A short while later the happy couple came back. Wife was a
battleax type, husband was a meek Walter Mitty type. Dad was in the middle of
dictation (olde school stenographer) and heard the siren. So he finished his dictation and went to the
parking lot, walking down the other side of the street. Neighbors were watching – Battleax decided
she’d pick off the stickers (he usually put 2 or 3 on a windshield) and Walter
would move my car which I had kindly left it unlocked. He opens the door and the siren starts up –
and it won’t stop until you put the key in the switch. After another minute of
the ear-splitting siren he goes over, shuts it off, and the happy couple
leaves.
That stunt was talked about for years.
Sunday, March 4, 2018
The Snake story
.
As part of my mis-spent youth I did radio and a little bit
of television before I got an honest (?) job.
At age 16 I had my own radio show – naturally it was ‘The Ross Hart
Show’ on WPXI radio 910 AM dial in Roanoke. I also worked other stations.
But this story isn’t about radio. It’s about the 3 months in the Summer of ’72
when I worked at a Roanoke TV station. The TV was WRFT channel 27, in
Roanoke. It was put together on a
shoestring, which kept fraying as it struggled to survive. All the equipment was
‘used’ when we got it. Well used. And
our studio cameras were black and white, not color – that’s a shoestring.
My job was primarily as ‘switcher’ meaning I was responsible
for pushing the buttons to get what you were supposed to see on the air at the
right second. Secondary was to point a camera at the ‘talent’ when we actually
taped or broadcast something from our studio.
And the studio was on the top of “Little Brushy Mountain” west of
Salem. The good news is there were a lot
of berry bushes to snack on; the bad news is that snakes liked the berries
also.
One FCC requirement to keep a broadcast license in those days
was to broadcast ‘public affairs’ stuff ‘to inform the public’. So our version
of public affairs was an incarnation of an old Roanoke Area show called the “Eb
and Andy” show. The original show was
bluegrass; ours wasn’t.
What we did was have a host and his sidekick discuss stuff,
have guests to discuss stuff, and when all else failed they’d introduce some
public service film and then discuss it. The host/straight man was a great guy
named Jeff Hunt (I also worked with Jeff at a radio station). The sidekick was Tom Hughes who dressed up as
a hillbilly named ‘Uncle Looney” – red beard, confederate cap, overalls, sat in
a rocking chair and affected a hillbilly drawl.
Our air conditioning system in the studio was broken and the
station couldn’t afford to repair it. But we still had to produce the Eb and
Andy show every day. In July. A hot
July.
One day it was real nice outside – a little cooler, blue
skies, gentle breeze. So the show
producer decided to set up the show in the parking lot next to the studio
doors. Everything was set up. Microphones were connected and tested; the
cameras were ready and adjusted to the lighting. The show just before our live
broadcast was ending so it was maybe 2 minutes before air time. Davis and I are chatting with the ‘talent’ and
Davis mentioned that he killed a copperhead that Looney had seen a week
earlier. Looney was already in character
and expressed his appreciation about killing that ‘nasty ole' snake’ when another
snake came out from under the studio building, slithered between Jeff and Looney and
on down the side of the mountain.
There wasn’t time to move the set. So we had to open the
show as is. Except Jeff and Looney had
their feet on the table – soles of their shoes facing the cameras. Their
introduction included comments about their mothers teaching them to keep their
feet off the table, but they had a good excuse:
the snake.
Then into the show.
After 10 minutes a loud round of laughter came over the
headsets from the control room. Apparently, that very day a member of the
crew had gone to Woolworth’s department store and bought their novelty of the
summer: the rubber snake. The kind of rubber that jiggles when you
touch it. Woolworths sold two sizes: the $1.95 (18 inch) size and the $3.95 (3
foot) size. Yep, he went whole hawg and
got the big one. The director told him
to ‘do it’ so I saw him sneak into the studio and toss the rubber snake smack
dab in the middle of the table where it jiggled as if alive.
The Talent moved quickly. Very quickly. Would you believe instantaneously? Jeff was at the end of his microphone cord
off one side of the set. And Uncle Looney? That’s the only time in my life I’ve seen
anyone do a back flip out of a rocking chair. And he ended up at the end of his
microphone cord off the other side of the set.
The amazing thing is that they – especially Looney - kept in
character and nothing had to be bleeped (not that we could given the
shoestring). Imagine an excited hillbilly drawl “Goodness gracious, what in Tarnation were Dat Thang?"
We went to commercial, came back live and the rest of the
show was pretty much watching two guys laugh.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Lusting . . .
.
This story goes back nearly 40 years - when Jimmy Carter was running for President of the US. (as an aside, in my opinion he was probably one of the most honest modern presidents we've had but also one of the most ineffective). Jimmy had done a "Playboy" interview which was widely discussed.
"Playboy" magazine actually had good cultural content and for a time the "Playboy Interview" enjoyed a remarkably strong reputation.
Anyhow, in 1976 I was at a lunch table with a bunch of lawyers, judges, business folks, etc. and Jimmy's interview was the animated topic. In it Jimmy admitted to having "Lusted in his heart" a few times. Just as we were discussing the "Lust" line, a blonde bombshell walked past our table - red dress (short, of course), cleavage, heels, etc. and the talk died down while male eyes watched the spectacle.
After a few moments of silence, one of the group drawled, "Speaking of Lust: put me down for two regular and one un-natural".
.
This story goes back nearly 40 years - when Jimmy Carter was running for President of the US. (as an aside, in my opinion he was probably one of the most honest modern presidents we've had but also one of the most ineffective). Jimmy had done a "Playboy" interview which was widely discussed.
"Playboy" magazine actually had good cultural content and for a time the "Playboy Interview" enjoyed a remarkably strong reputation.
Anyhow, in 1976 I was at a lunch table with a bunch of lawyers, judges, business folks, etc. and Jimmy's interview was the animated topic. In it Jimmy admitted to having "Lusted in his heart" a few times. Just as we were discussing the "Lust" line, a blonde bombshell walked past our table - red dress (short, of course), cleavage, heels, etc. and the talk died down while male eyes watched the spectacle.
After a few moments of silence, one of the group drawled, "Speaking of Lust: put me down for two regular and one un-natural".
.
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Talkative Worms
.
Years ago I served as the first citizen member of the Virginia Board of Medicine. (lawyers got citizenship rights that year!) and we had a crazy trying to get his license back.
As part of his "evidence" of what he'd been doing while not practicing his craft he submitted essays (these days they would be blogs) he'd written about various subjects. One of the essays referred to lawyers as "Pedantic Nematodes".
To the amusement of the rest of the Board and staff, (and going way over the head of the still-unlicensed individual) I immediately put the initials "PN" at the end of my nameplate.
.
Years ago I served as the first citizen member of the Virginia Board of Medicine. (lawyers got citizenship rights that year!) and we had a crazy trying to get his license back.
As part of his "evidence" of what he'd been doing while not practicing his craft he submitted essays (these days they would be blogs) he'd written about various subjects. One of the essays referred to lawyers as "Pedantic Nematodes".
To the amusement of the rest of the Board and staff, (and going way over the head of the still-unlicensed individual) I immediately put the initials "PN" at the end of my nameplate.
.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Appendicits (2001 replay)
.
Twelve years ago I got hit with major appendicitis and had to have it removed. After it was over, I decided to "sue" the weasly thing, and got my good friend Hoot-N-Owl to represent me. In going through stuff I found a copy of the complaint and here it is. I've edited it to disguise somewhat the real names of a bunch of individuals who chipped in to help. Those that recognize yourselves, thank you again!
===========================
V I R G I N I A:
IN THE MILL MOUNTAIN ZOO FOR THE CITY OF ROANOKE
ROSS C. HART
V.
HIS (former) APPENDIX
BILL OF COMPLAINT
TO THE HONORABLE KANGAROOS OF SAID ZOO:
COMES NOW Ross C. Hart, by Hoot N. Owl, counsel, and represents as follows:
1) On, about, or within nine months of MMDDYY, Ross C. Hart and his appendix were joined together, and remained together in apparently harmonious relationship for over 50 years.
2) During the early years of the relationship Ross C. Hart did the usual thing for his age: attended school, went to the principals' office, annoyed his parents, and so forth. The appendix, as a vestigial organ of undetermined value did nothing to interfere with those functions.
3) During Ross' second decade, as he discovered the fairer half of the species and made crude attempts to impress them, the appendix continued to stand by.
4) The appendix similarly kept to itself during the next three decades not even getting involved at the time Ross' right kidney, in an inexcusable fit of rage, stoned Ross.
5) At no time during this relationship did Ross abuse, coerce, hinder, constrain or interfere with the appendix in any way; in fact Ross went to great effort to ensure that it was well fed and enjoyed various beverages supplied in appropriate (by Ross’ standards) moderation.
6) The foregoing relationship ended abruptly in the City of Salem, Virginia, on the morning of April 18, 2001, when the aforesaid appendix, with malice aforethought, intentionally began interfering with the normal functions of the remaining organs of Ross C. Hart. More specifically, the appendix:
a) Began causing pain around 4:00 AM, but disguised the pain as a pulled muscle
b) Increased the amount of pain such that at 6:30 AM Ross C. Hart was forced to awaken his sleeping wife (the pain of awakening her then being less severe than the pain then being caused by the appendix)
7) The aforesaid wife having excellent medical skills honed as an Emergency Medical Technician, began an examination of Ross C. Hart, which examination, as loving and gentle as it could be, caused increased pain.
8) Said wife then called Dr. K, Ross' primary care physician (being formerly known as "Dr. Quinn") who immediately scheduled an office visit for later that same morning.
9) During said office visit, Medicine Woman performed various tests, some causing additional pain, and announced that a blood test had an extremely high white cell count of 17000, and (realizing Ross hadn't cracked a single joke in over 45 minutes) stated that Ross "had all the 'good' signs of appendicitis" ('good' later changed to 'classic' as there are no 'good' signs of appendicitis)
10) Ross was immediately dispatched to the emergency room, and Dr. K called ahead so that they would be expecting him. Unfortunately, Dr. K called Roanoke Memorial, and his wife thought the doctor had said Lewis Gale.
11) Ross and his wife then arrived at the Lewis Gale ER which was not expecting them, and they looked up with blank stares when the supposed call was referred to.
12) Nevertheless, upon being given a summary of the office visit, the Lewis Gale ER accepted Ross as a patient, made him put on the too small uniform patients are required to endure, and which have too much air hitting the posterior. Ross was then placed in a cold room to wait. And Wait.
13) A surgeon was contacted and a Dr. Al appeared and described himself to be the 'quack on call'.
14) At some time during this, Trigon Blue Cross BS (ever notice the last two initials of Blue Cross is “BS”?) was contacted and did confirm appropriate insurance coverage.
15) Dr. Al and the nice, kind, anesthesiologist (with those drugs, the name is forgotten!) discussed the various ways Ross could die during the "routine" operation, and then obtained his consent for the operation.
16) The next thing Ross remembers is awakening several hours later without the pain experienced earlier in the day, but with other pains and some interesting scars on his belly (interesting only if you're a Steven King fan)
17) Dr. Al later advised that the surgery was laproscopic, in which neat little tubes are inserted through several incisions in the belly, air is pumped into the wall, and the tubes moved to the appendix. The appendix was found to be gangrenous and really nasty, and was therefore removed immediately. Upon closing the various incisions, an incidental repair was made to a hernia in the area of the 'belly button'.
18) During the night after the operation nurses kept entering the room Ross was given to give medicine to help him sleep, to control his pain, and to take temperature and blood pressure every half hour. Therefore Ross did not sleep well that night.
19) At breakfast time Ross was greeted with bullion and a popsicle (isn't ice cream for tonsils?) but fortunately the meals got better as the day progressed.
20) Ross was then discharged from the hospital around noon, April 20, 2001, and after a short rest at home with some abdominal discomfort (similar to doing about 1000 sit-ups at one time), low grade fever, and some pretty good drugs, he returned to his office to continue whatever the hell he does.
WHEREFORE, Ross C. Hart, by counsel, moves that this Court--
A. Condemn the appendix t an eternity in the theological place of eternal punishment with all other bad appendices;
B. Thank all those who helped out, visited, or otherwise expressed their concern, to wit:
1 A& J and then DF for keeping the kids the first day, PQ for picking them up and bringing them to the hospital and A and H for taking time from their spring break to watch them the second day.
2 Donna Jarrells, Ross' legal assistant, who rose to the occasion and made various arrangements to deal with Ross' schedule and generally ran the office more efficiently than if Ross were there.
3 The Rev. T.V. who, being informed of the situation (and having some other folks from the parish in the hospital) gave up a vacation day and showed up at the hospital in his uniform. Also MO, St. Paul's Parish missioner, who visited and called.
4 PQ, again, for jumping in to a rezoning hearing not having done one before, and obtaining a unanimous vote in favor of the rezoning, then visiting to describe how it went.
5 JM for covering those matters on Friday that could not be put off, and in particular for helping Donna deal with the payees.
6 Dr. Al for doing a wonderful job, having an excellent bedside manner and sense of humor, and being able to put the patient at ease and explain things so even a lawyer could understand them.
7 The nurses and staff at Lewis Gale Hospital for their excellent care.
8 The Business Office at Lewis Gale Hospital AND Lewis Gale Clinic for NOT messing up the bill.
9 The kids for behaving incredibly well with those who watched over them during the ordeal.
C. Take such other action as appropriate.
Ross C. Hart
By: Hoot N. Owl, Esquire pq (Mill Mtn Bar # 3)
Third Cage on the Left
Mill Mountain Zoo
Roanoke, Virginia
Twelve years ago I got hit with major appendicitis and had to have it removed. After it was over, I decided to "sue" the weasly thing, and got my good friend Hoot-N-Owl to represent me. In going through stuff I found a copy of the complaint and here it is. I've edited it to disguise somewhat the real names of a bunch of individuals who chipped in to help. Those that recognize yourselves, thank you again!
===========================
V I R G I N I A:
IN THE MILL MOUNTAIN ZOO FOR THE CITY OF ROANOKE
ROSS C. HART
V.
HIS (former) APPENDIX
BILL OF COMPLAINT
TO THE HONORABLE KANGAROOS OF SAID ZOO:
COMES NOW Ross C. Hart, by Hoot N. Owl, counsel, and represents as follows:
1) On, about, or within nine months of MMDDYY, Ross C. Hart and his appendix were joined together, and remained together in apparently harmonious relationship for over 50 years.
2) During the early years of the relationship Ross C. Hart did the usual thing for his age: attended school, went to the principals' office, annoyed his parents, and so forth. The appendix, as a vestigial organ of undetermined value did nothing to interfere with those functions.
3) During Ross' second decade, as he discovered the fairer half of the species and made crude attempts to impress them, the appendix continued to stand by.
4) The appendix similarly kept to itself during the next three decades not even getting involved at the time Ross' right kidney, in an inexcusable fit of rage, stoned Ross.
5) At no time during this relationship did Ross abuse, coerce, hinder, constrain or interfere with the appendix in any way; in fact Ross went to great effort to ensure that it was well fed and enjoyed various beverages supplied in appropriate (by Ross’ standards) moderation.
6) The foregoing relationship ended abruptly in the City of Salem, Virginia, on the morning of April 18, 2001, when the aforesaid appendix, with malice aforethought, intentionally began interfering with the normal functions of the remaining organs of Ross C. Hart. More specifically, the appendix:
a) Began causing pain around 4:00 AM, but disguised the pain as a pulled muscle
b) Increased the amount of pain such that at 6:30 AM Ross C. Hart was forced to awaken his sleeping wife (the pain of awakening her then being less severe than the pain then being caused by the appendix)
7) The aforesaid wife having excellent medical skills honed as an Emergency Medical Technician, began an examination of Ross C. Hart, which examination, as loving and gentle as it could be, caused increased pain.
8) Said wife then called Dr. K, Ross' primary care physician (being formerly known as "Dr. Quinn") who immediately scheduled an office visit for later that same morning.
9) During said office visit, Medicine Woman performed various tests, some causing additional pain, and announced that a blood test had an extremely high white cell count of 17000, and (realizing Ross hadn't cracked a single joke in over 45 minutes) stated that Ross "had all the 'good' signs of appendicitis" ('good' later changed to 'classic' as there are no 'good' signs of appendicitis)
10) Ross was immediately dispatched to the emergency room, and Dr. K called ahead so that they would be expecting him. Unfortunately, Dr. K called Roanoke Memorial, and his wife thought the doctor had said Lewis Gale.
11) Ross and his wife then arrived at the Lewis Gale ER which was not expecting them, and they looked up with blank stares when the supposed call was referred to.
12) Nevertheless, upon being given a summary of the office visit, the Lewis Gale ER accepted Ross as a patient, made him put on the too small uniform patients are required to endure, and which have too much air hitting the posterior. Ross was then placed in a cold room to wait. And Wait.
13) A surgeon was contacted and a Dr. Al appeared and described himself to be the 'quack on call'.
14) At some time during this, Trigon Blue Cross BS (ever notice the last two initials of Blue Cross is “BS”?) was contacted and did confirm appropriate insurance coverage.
15) Dr. Al and the nice, kind, anesthesiologist (with those drugs, the name is forgotten!) discussed the various ways Ross could die during the "routine" operation, and then obtained his consent for the operation.
16) The next thing Ross remembers is awakening several hours later without the pain experienced earlier in the day, but with other pains and some interesting scars on his belly (interesting only if you're a Steven King fan)
17) Dr. Al later advised that the surgery was laproscopic, in which neat little tubes are inserted through several incisions in the belly, air is pumped into the wall, and the tubes moved to the appendix. The appendix was found to be gangrenous and really nasty, and was therefore removed immediately. Upon closing the various incisions, an incidental repair was made to a hernia in the area of the 'belly button'.
18) During the night after the operation nurses kept entering the room Ross was given to give medicine to help him sleep, to control his pain, and to take temperature and blood pressure every half hour. Therefore Ross did not sleep well that night.
19) At breakfast time Ross was greeted with bullion and a popsicle (isn't ice cream for tonsils?) but fortunately the meals got better as the day progressed.
20) Ross was then discharged from the hospital around noon, April 20, 2001, and after a short rest at home with some abdominal discomfort (similar to doing about 1000 sit-ups at one time), low grade fever, and some pretty good drugs, he returned to his office to continue whatever the hell he does.
WHEREFORE, Ross C. Hart, by counsel, moves that this Court--
A. Condemn the appendix t an eternity in the theological place of eternal punishment with all other bad appendices;
B. Thank all those who helped out, visited, or otherwise expressed their concern, to wit:
1 A& J and then DF for keeping the kids the first day, PQ for picking them up and bringing them to the hospital and A and H for taking time from their spring break to watch them the second day.
2 Donna Jarrells, Ross' legal assistant, who rose to the occasion and made various arrangements to deal with Ross' schedule and generally ran the office more efficiently than if Ross were there.
3 The Rev. T.V. who, being informed of the situation (and having some other folks from the parish in the hospital) gave up a vacation day and showed up at the hospital in his uniform. Also MO, St. Paul's Parish missioner, who visited and called.
4 PQ, again, for jumping in to a rezoning hearing not having done one before, and obtaining a unanimous vote in favor of the rezoning, then visiting to describe how it went.
5 JM for covering those matters on Friday that could not be put off, and in particular for helping Donna deal with the payees.
6 Dr. Al for doing a wonderful job, having an excellent bedside manner and sense of humor, and being able to put the patient at ease and explain things so even a lawyer could understand them.
7 The nurses and staff at Lewis Gale Hospital for their excellent care.
8 The Business Office at Lewis Gale Hospital AND Lewis Gale Clinic for NOT messing up the bill.
9 The kids for behaving incredibly well with those who watched over them during the ordeal.
C. Take such other action as appropriate.
Ross C. Hart
By: Hoot N. Owl, Esquire pq (Mill Mtn Bar # 3)
Third Cage on the Left
Mill Mountain Zoo
Roanoke, Virginia
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Could you explain . . . ?
.
I heard this story from another Councilman who was there.
Around 40 years ago Roanoke City was in an annexation
battle with Roanoke County. One day Roanoke City Council decided to appropriate something for
pensions. The City's (then) director of finance told Council "You shouldn't have done this; you have bankrupt
the City". A week later he testified in the annexation trial and as to the
City's finances said "Roanoke City is in wonderful financial condition. Revenues
are strong and expenditures are under control. There are not any financial
problems".
Next meeting a Councilman put on the agenda a "personnel matter" and
council went into closed session. In that session the Councilman reminded the Director of Finance of both statements, and
asked "All I want to know is, Which time were you lying".
Probably a good question for today's politicians.
.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
How not to introduce someone
.
About 35 years ago I attended my first Roanoke Bar Association Law Day Luncheon. The speaker for this occasion was William B. Spong, Jr. , then Dean of the Marshall-Wythe School of Law at the College of William and Mary, Virginia. Dean Spong had served as US Senator from Virginia for one term and was truly an honest politician. Everyone at the luncheon knew who he was.
Being so well known poses a problem for the person who gets the honor to introduce them without boring the audience. That honor fell to B. Purnell Eggleston, a senior and distinguished member of the bar. He handled it in what would now be considered politically incorrect.
"Members of the Bar and distinguished guests, our speaker really doesn't need an introduction. In fact, he recently spoke at a function in Richmond and the lady making the introduction -- a lady from the high society of Richmond matrons -- was gushing at the opportunity. She said in her genteel Southern Matronly drawl, 'Ladies and gentlemen, our speaker has served in the Virginia House of Delegates, the Virginia Senate, the United States Senate -- why, he's done so many things his Who's Who is Nine inches long!' "
.
About 35 years ago I attended my first Roanoke Bar Association Law Day Luncheon. The speaker for this occasion was William B. Spong, Jr. , then Dean of the Marshall-Wythe School of Law at the College of William and Mary, Virginia. Dean Spong had served as US Senator from Virginia for one term and was truly an honest politician. Everyone at the luncheon knew who he was.
Being so well known poses a problem for the person who gets the honor to introduce them without boring the audience. That honor fell to B. Purnell Eggleston, a senior and distinguished member of the bar. He handled it in what would now be considered politically incorrect.
"Members of the Bar and distinguished guests, our speaker really doesn't need an introduction. In fact, he recently spoke at a function in Richmond and the lady making the introduction -- a lady from the high society of Richmond matrons -- was gushing at the opportunity. She said in her genteel Southern Matronly drawl, 'Ladies and gentlemen, our speaker has served in the Virginia House of Delegates, the Virginia Senate, the United States Senate -- why, he's done so many things his Who's Who is Nine inches long!' "
.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Political story
.
Among my past sins is activity in politics; I say past sins because I'm no longer enamored with politicians and -- while I consider a number of them in both parties friends -- I feel they're more interested in following the party line (regardless of consequences) than doing what is necessary even if unpopular.
But this isn't about my disdain for elected wonks.
Many years ago I was a local Democratic Party chair; Sen. Charles "Chuck" S. Robb was running for re-election against Ollie North (who was the only person Republicans could have nominated that Chuck could beat). The Annual Salem Fair was in town, and was crowded with the great unwashed of southwestern Virginia. (and as a side not, I first met Chuck when I went to the State Fair in Richmond when he first ran for statewide office 'back when. Going to Fairs and such is de-riguer for politicians.)
I got called on to walk with Chuck among the crowd as he shook hands and encouraged their vote for him in November. As we were walking and talking, I observed the people and wondered how many actually voted. After some more thought I asked, "Chuck, how many of these folks you've been shakin' hands with do you think have had their right to vote restored".
"You know, that's a damn good question".
.
Among my past sins is activity in politics; I say past sins because I'm no longer enamored with politicians and -- while I consider a number of them in both parties friends -- I feel they're more interested in following the party line (regardless of consequences) than doing what is necessary even if unpopular.
But this isn't about my disdain for elected wonks.
Many years ago I was a local Democratic Party chair; Sen. Charles "Chuck" S. Robb was running for re-election against Ollie North (who was the only person Republicans could have nominated that Chuck could beat). The Annual Salem Fair was in town, and was crowded with the great unwashed of southwestern Virginia. (and as a side not, I first met Chuck when I went to the State Fair in Richmond when he first ran for statewide office 'back when. Going to Fairs and such is de-riguer for politicians.)
I got called on to walk with Chuck among the crowd as he shook hands and encouraged their vote for him in November. As we were walking and talking, I observed the people and wondered how many actually voted. After some more thought I asked, "Chuck, how many of these folks you've been shakin' hands with do you think have had their right to vote restored".
"You know, that's a damn good question".
.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Judge Hart's Rule: Don't Get Mad, Get Even
.
In my last entry I mentioned my Grand Uncle, the Hon. John M. Hart, also known as "Judge Hart" was once Commissioner of the Revenue for Roanoke City. (Oh, as of this post I haven't heard back on my letter). How he got elected is a story in itself.
Uncle John was Judge of the Hustings Court for Roanoke City (it's since become part of the Circuit Court), 'way back in the 1920's and early '30's. Check your history: this was during Prohibition, the "No alcoholic drinking" thing. So, in theory, anyone caught drinking or with liquor would be arrested.
So Uncle John had a lot of working stiffs ("Joe Lunchpail") show up in his court charged with having a pint or a fifth, or with drinking. However, at the same time, the Elite of Roanoke (Doctors, Bankers, Businessmen and - of course - Lawyers) were happily drinking Franklin County's finest 'shine and if caught by police would simply be escorted home.
Not fair, huh? That's what Uncle John thought. So Joe ended up with the minimum fine and no jail. This caused the WCTU (Women's Christian Temperance Union) to dislike hizzoner. They called him "Soft on Drinking". The irony here is that Judge Hart was a Tee-Totaler -- never touched a drop of alcohol in his life. (We call him "The Sober Hart" in the family)
The then Commissioner of the Revenue's wife was big in the WCTU in Roanoke. So the then Commissioner of the Revenue was the leader in removing Uncle John from the bench by not reappointing him for another term. In Virginia the General Assembly selects judges; Uncle John lost by a very very few votes to Lindsay Almond.
A year or so later the Commissioner of the Revenue was up for re-election. Yep, Uncle John ran against him and won.
Now THAT's 'Rossiferous'. Any wonder where I got it?
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In my last entry I mentioned my Grand Uncle, the Hon. John M. Hart, also known as "Judge Hart" was once Commissioner of the Revenue for Roanoke City. (Oh, as of this post I haven't heard back on my letter). How he got elected is a story in itself.
Uncle John was Judge of the Hustings Court for Roanoke City (it's since become part of the Circuit Court), 'way back in the 1920's and early '30's. Check your history: this was during Prohibition, the "No alcoholic drinking" thing. So, in theory, anyone caught drinking or with liquor would be arrested.
So Uncle John had a lot of working stiffs ("Joe Lunchpail") show up in his court charged with having a pint or a fifth, or with drinking. However, at the same time, the Elite of Roanoke (Doctors, Bankers, Businessmen and - of course - Lawyers) were happily drinking Franklin County's finest 'shine and if caught by police would simply be escorted home.
Not fair, huh? That's what Uncle John thought. So Joe ended up with the minimum fine and no jail. This caused the WCTU (Women's Christian Temperance Union) to dislike hizzoner. They called him "Soft on Drinking". The irony here is that Judge Hart was a Tee-Totaler -- never touched a drop of alcohol in his life. (We call him "The Sober Hart" in the family)
The then Commissioner of the Revenue's wife was big in the WCTU in Roanoke. So the then Commissioner of the Revenue was the leader in removing Uncle John from the bench by not reappointing him for another term. In Virginia the General Assembly selects judges; Uncle John lost by a very very few votes to Lindsay Almond.
A year or so later the Commissioner of the Revenue was up for re-election. Yep, Uncle John ran against him and won.
Now THAT's 'Rossiferous'. Any wonder where I got it?
.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Deflating Pomposity - war story
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Many years ago we had a state senator from Roanoke who was, shall we say, very enamored with himself. He was also pompous. The good news is he only served one term. The better news is that he provided several stories.
The Senator went through a "British" thing. He wore a cape and a bowler hat and even had one of those silly tiny stick canes. This was complemented by his attempt at affecting a British Accent. Trust me, Henry Higgens would have seen through him in a second. This story is about the beginning of the end of that phase.
Back in the day we also had air commuter service with Richmond - our state capital. One day my friend Harold was there with a client (I'll call him 'Irving') from the coalfields appearing before some agency. After the hearing they were at the Richmond Airport waiting for their return flight when The Senator came by. Harold, thinking he could get some brownie points with Irving, hails The Senator.
The Senator, seeing Harold (and Harold being a member of Roanoke City Council at the time) came over to chat. "Harold, my good man, How awre you today? You're looking jolly good you know."
Harold: Just fine, Senator, I'd like you to meet Irving Puffuffnick; he's a client of mine and we've just finished a hearing at XYZ agency"
SEN: "Delighted to make your acquaintance, Irving. Tip Top Barrister you've got there"
IRVING: "Good to meet you, Senator. Are you from England?"
SEN: "No, actually I hail from Roanoke. Howeva, I did study at Ahxford (Oxford) for two years."
IRVING: "Well, hell, I was in 'Nam for two years, but I didn't pick up THEIR accent"
The Senator terminated the conversation and moved away. Shortly thereafter the cape, hat, and stick thing disappeared.
Many years ago we had a state senator from Roanoke who was, shall we say, very enamored with himself. He was also pompous. The good news is he only served one term. The better news is that he provided several stories.
The Senator went through a "British" thing. He wore a cape and a bowler hat and even had one of those silly tiny stick canes. This was complemented by his attempt at affecting a British Accent. Trust me, Henry Higgens would have seen through him in a second. This story is about the beginning of the end of that phase.
Back in the day we also had air commuter service with Richmond - our state capital. One day my friend Harold was there with a client (I'll call him 'Irving') from the coalfields appearing before some agency. After the hearing they were at the Richmond Airport waiting for their return flight when The Senator came by. Harold, thinking he could get some brownie points with Irving, hails The Senator.
The Senator, seeing Harold (and Harold being a member of Roanoke City Council at the time) came over to chat. "Harold, my good man, How awre you today? You're looking jolly good you know."
Harold: Just fine, Senator, I'd like you to meet Irving Puffuffnick; he's a client of mine and we've just finished a hearing at XYZ agency"
SEN: "Delighted to make your acquaintance, Irving. Tip Top Barrister you've got there"
IRVING: "Good to meet you, Senator. Are you from England?"
SEN: "No, actually I hail from Roanoke. Howeva, I did study at Ahxford (Oxford) for two years."
IRVING: "Well, hell, I was in 'Nam for two years, but I didn't pick up THEIR accent"
The Senator terminated the conversation and moved away. Shortly thereafter the cape, hat, and stick thing disappeared.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Characters: Dr. C meets Councilman T
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I like to tell stories; I've even built up a bit of a repertoire of some of my favorite stories. In fact, when I was teaching at National College (f/k/a National Business College) the students did evaluations of the instructors. I taught a two-term course, and the written comment from one student was "Mr. Hart's stories were great the first term; when he repeated them the second term . . . ". Well, I guess my repertoire is somewhat limited.
Anyhow, from time to time I'm going to put some of those 'stories' here. Some will be "War Stories"; others will be "Characters Encountered". Some will be my personal experience; others will be stories I heard and feel are worth retelling as the original 'author' is no longer with us. I'll change names to protect the departed.
We begin with a "Character" story. It involves "Councilman T" and a constituent "Dr. C".
I learned a lot about observing life from Councilman T. He could tell stories about his time on Roanoke City Council and those stories gave great insight on how to approach a local governing body about an issue. I also learned a lot of what NOT to say -- Elected officials absolutely hate when someone says "I'm a taxpayer and . . . " Guess what, genius, the elected official is probably paying more in taxes this year than you'll pay in your lifetime. The argument doesn't work.
One time about 30 years ago the City of Roanoke had annexed a bunch of Roanoke County. (don't ask about Virginia's screwed up local government system in which a City -- first class, please -- can and does tell the county that surrounds it to go to hell if it feels like it) A lot of people who had lived in the county found themselves proud citizens of the city but were still paying the higher rates for water and sewer service to the County's Public Service Authority. They felt that if they had to be in the City, they ought to pay the same as other Roanoke City residents.
Dr. C was an extremely vociferous member of this group. At one time he taught Economics at Roanoke College (he even taught my mother economics at the University of Virginia Extension back in the 1960's). Verbosity was a trademark. And he could insult with the best and treated most people as students -- even members of City Council. I had my share of contact with him in those days.
At any rate, one Council meeting Dr. C appeared and spent a good 10 or 15 minutes haranguing Council about the injustice of the water/sewer rates. Near the end (although Dr. C hadn't planned it as the end) Councilman T. asked what he later said was a basic question. Dr. C responded "The problem with you Mr. T is that you just don't understand basic economic theory".
To which Councilman T responded "That may be true, Dr. C.; as I recall when I took Economics at Roanoke College you were my professor".
At this point Dr. C decided he had said enough.
.
.
I like to tell stories; I've even built up a bit of a repertoire of some of my favorite stories. In fact, when I was teaching at National College (f/k/a National Business College) the students did evaluations of the instructors. I taught a two-term course, and the written comment from one student was "Mr. Hart's stories were great the first term; when he repeated them the second term . . . ". Well, I guess my repertoire is somewhat limited.
Anyhow, from time to time I'm going to put some of those 'stories' here. Some will be "War Stories"; others will be "Characters Encountered". Some will be my personal experience; others will be stories I heard and feel are worth retelling as the original 'author' is no longer with us. I'll change names to protect the departed.
We begin with a "Character" story. It involves "Councilman T" and a constituent "Dr. C".
I learned a lot about observing life from Councilman T. He could tell stories about his time on Roanoke City Council and those stories gave great insight on how to approach a local governing body about an issue. I also learned a lot of what NOT to say -- Elected officials absolutely hate when someone says "I'm a taxpayer and . . . " Guess what, genius, the elected official is probably paying more in taxes this year than you'll pay in your lifetime. The argument doesn't work.
One time about 30 years ago the City of Roanoke had annexed a bunch of Roanoke County. (don't ask about Virginia's screwed up local government system in which a City -- first class, please -- can and does tell the county that surrounds it to go to hell if it feels like it) A lot of people who had lived in the county found themselves proud citizens of the city but were still paying the higher rates for water and sewer service to the County's Public Service Authority. They felt that if they had to be in the City, they ought to pay the same as other Roanoke City residents.
Dr. C was an extremely vociferous member of this group. At one time he taught Economics at Roanoke College (he even taught my mother economics at the University of Virginia Extension back in the 1960's). Verbosity was a trademark. And he could insult with the best and treated most people as students -- even members of City Council. I had my share of contact with him in those days.
At any rate, one Council meeting Dr. C appeared and spent a good 10 or 15 minutes haranguing Council about the injustice of the water/sewer rates. Near the end (although Dr. C hadn't planned it as the end) Councilman T. asked what he later said was a basic question. Dr. C responded "The problem with you Mr. T is that you just don't understand basic economic theory".
To which Councilman T responded "That may be true, Dr. C.; as I recall when I took Economics at Roanoke College you were my professor".
At this point Dr. C decided he had said enough.
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